So relatable! My favorite smell in the world is also bleach, my favorite sound, the washing machine running, for the same reason as you- it reminds me of home. And the long history of women I come from whose need for cleanliness is borderline pathological. My mom used to stand next to her grandkids with a broom to sweep up crumbs as they were eating! As for letting things go I think what will really help you get there is a giant wooden sign that says Bless This Mess that you can put in the kitchen, ideally above another sign for Live, Love, Laugh. Because if you don’t have signs telling you what to do covering all available wall space, how will you know?
Haha I’m so on board with this new movement. I’m pretty sure my aunty just had to look at the spoon or motion her hand towards it and all the kids dispersed very quickly 🤣 I copped the soap a few times too!
Ok so we have matching mums ☠️ Maybe this explains something important about both of us 🤣 And you’re totally right about the signs! No wonder I’ve been getting this all wrong. I might also get what my aunty and uncle had in their kitchen - a giant wooden spoon mounted on the wall with a sign that said “for naughty children”. A looming physical threat always works well.
Oh man, did they actually use it?! Maybe you can start a new parenting movement: gentle-parenting-but-with-a-prominent-threat-of-physical-violence. My parents used to wash my mouth out with soap and after this trip full of whining I’m considering introducing it as a threat if not in practice!
This made me giggle. My husband is a neat freak, I'm more messy. We meet in the middle most of the time! My sister is a neat freak and has the gun-thing to label shelves for sheets and pillows and crap. I'm currently alone in my house in Spain, my husband went back to our main house in Switzerland and I'm quite happy in my relatively messy mess!
Thanks Francesca! Yes it’s always fun trying to meet in the middle because everyone has a different level of mess they feel comfortable (or uncomfortable) with! I’m definitely a recovering neat freak 🤣 Enjoy your time in Spain!
Such a fun read Sara! I'm the baby of two, taller than everybody in the family at 6'5", and mom and I swapped roles when she moved in with us and shared our home for 20 years 😜
I just felt you gasp!
Clean and tidy wasn't the inherited trait, it was refusing to throw anything away. Any fiffing thing 😳
The stories I can tell. Oh my. I restles with letting shame go when I look for something very important I knew we had then realize I had thrown it away. ARGGGH!!
There is a tiny part of me that wished Amazon didn't exist. An itty, bitty, teanie, weanie part of me. Sheesh!
I could peck more on this phone but I can get 45 minutes more of morning sleep after letting the dogs out. Oh my! That earworn again... Woof. Woof. 😂
20 years! 😵💫 You’re a saint, Donna. Oh yep I can understand the hoarding instinct too. Another way our mental stories manifest in our lives. Hope you enjoyed that extra sleep! 😘
Nah, the pups had another idea. All three started play fighting on the king size bed. I'm in a doctor's waiting room for a regular appointment 90 minutes from home.
Hahaha, nothing wrong with a bit of cleanfreakery. I am militant about a clean kitchen, but an absolute bomb scare with every other room in the house. I call this a compromise; The Muse calls it a concern.
"Some of you might say this was just 'nesting', but only if the bird had psychological problems and a labelling addiction."
That made me giggle, and the rest was very heartfelt. I can't imagine the chaos of so many little kids at once. Good on you for managing and for trying to let things go when you can.
I hear this !!! When the kids came along omg the mess , it fucked with my head !!! And the little piles of shit that collect in every corner !!! Made me want to scream !! The constant clear outs of tat so you can get the next lot in !!! 😂 these days it’s slightly better now they are older , they barely come out of their rooms to make a mess 🤦🏻♀️😂
Oh god the clear outs! We just got rid of a bunch of stuff and my son was trying to get more toys from the charity shop when we were there donating the old stuff. I was like - PUT THAT BACK 😤🤣 Glad to hear I have the teenage years to look forward to when mess is contained in their rooms 😅
I’m the opposite in that I grew up in quite a chaotic household. My childhood home was big and hard to keep clean and my parents didn’t seem to care. They had a cleaner for a while and she actually complained to her agency about the state of the house.🤣 While I’m not adverse to a few piles of books or toys lying around, I’m otherwise very bothered by mess and clutter, perhaps as an act of rebellion!
I do love a clean kitchen bench to come out to in the morning, and I’m pretty sure that’s from my parents. But I gave up on folding things years ago - teatowels get chucked in a drawer, fitted sheets get bundled into a storage bin in the hot water cupboard, and everyone’s clean clothes get dumped on their bed or a call goes out for everyone to ‘come get what’s yours from this pile, please’. Ironically, after years of me shoving clothes in their drawers and calling it done when my girls were little, they have both now adopted a military style of folding their clothing that is stunning in its efficiency and orderliness.
Wow ok this gives me hope. I’m pretty close to just dumping their clean clothes in their rooms - there truly is no point folding them - I’ve seen what they do with them. I did try the “come and get your shit from this pile” method but there was too much looking for items with mouth, not eyes i.e. “Mum! Where are my socks/school uniform/underpants!” Unfortunately, I think we have a case of learned helplessness on our hands! 🤦♀️
My advice: walk away! With the disclaimer that i don’t know how old your kids are. Mine are 18 and 16. We still get the occasional ‘where’s my uniform xyz’ but I just say ‘I dunno, have you had a proper look?’ 😂
So funny and so relatable. When kids enter the picture, you just have to let go of any hope for keeping a clean, orderly house. (He writes from his cluttered dining room table.)
I grew up in a hoarded home and that was also about my mother’s need to control, I think. Equal and opposite inability to let things go. To the point of her distress when I wanted to empty the hoover bag - what if there something important in there - she’d need to check first!
And I felt ashamed of our house not being like everyone else’s because it was SO messy. But my best friend loved coming to play, because my mum didn’t mind (or notice) if we added to the chaos!
I found a happy medium once I had my own home. Sounds like you have, too, and step back from going full neat-freak. Bravo!
Thanks Wendy! Wow your experience is the total opposite but somehow the same - feeling shame about your home environment. The Hoover bag! 🤪 glad we both survived it and somehow charting our own path of just enough mess 😘
This is the part that hits SO CLOSE to home: "Woe betide the unlucky chump (Andrew) who got it wrong."
I feel for poor Andrew!
My mother was definitely not a clean freak, but she kept a fairly tidy house.
My ex is not a clean freak either and is inconsistent with her tidiness (we co-habit) but we're still pretty polar opposite. My desk area is a total mess. When our daughter is doing her thing, I'm so laid back about mess and untidiness that if it were up to me, I'd let her leave her crap everywhere. None of this tidying up before bed nonsense. She's just going to play with it the next day, right?
It probably confuses the poor kid, but she seems used to it. She knows I'll let her get away with murder, practically, whereas my ex and mother-in-law are more regimented.
And my sister-in-law is a tidiness nazi, oh dear lord, it's insane. The obsession with germs and shit, she does my head in!
This post was hilarious, as usual - your good at this stuff, you know 😉😁
Haha thank you Daniel! I’ve been waiting 9 months to use the term “woe betide”. Totally get what you’re saying about the mess just being there the next day. That’s what so frustrating about it - getting all the toys packed away, then bam, they’re back 12 hours later and it’s just the most pointless, repetitive exercise. If you can be laid back about it and the mess doesn’t fuck with your head then I say go for it!
So relatable! My favorite smell in the world is also bleach, my favorite sound, the washing machine running, for the same reason as you- it reminds me of home. And the long history of women I come from whose need for cleanliness is borderline pathological. My mom used to stand next to her grandkids with a broom to sweep up crumbs as they were eating! As for letting things go I think what will really help you get there is a giant wooden sign that says Bless This Mess that you can put in the kitchen, ideally above another sign for Live, Love, Laugh. Because if you don’t have signs telling you what to do covering all available wall space, how will you know?
Haha I’m so on board with this new movement. I’m pretty sure my aunty just had to look at the spoon or motion her hand towards it and all the kids dispersed very quickly 🤣 I copped the soap a few times too!
Ok so we have matching mums ☠️ Maybe this explains something important about both of us 🤣 And you’re totally right about the signs! No wonder I’ve been getting this all wrong. I might also get what my aunty and uncle had in their kitchen - a giant wooden spoon mounted on the wall with a sign that said “for naughty children”. A looming physical threat always works well.
Oh man, did they actually use it?! Maybe you can start a new parenting movement: gentle-parenting-but-with-a-prominent-threat-of-physical-violence. My parents used to wash my mouth out with soap and after this trip full of whining I’m considering introducing it as a threat if not in practice!
This made me giggle. My husband is a neat freak, I'm more messy. We meet in the middle most of the time! My sister is a neat freak and has the gun-thing to label shelves for sheets and pillows and crap. I'm currently alone in my house in Spain, my husband went back to our main house in Switzerland and I'm quite happy in my relatively messy mess!
Thanks Francesca! Yes it’s always fun trying to meet in the middle because everyone has a different level of mess they feel comfortable (or uncomfortable) with! I’m definitely a recovering neat freak 🤣 Enjoy your time in Spain!
Such a fun read Sara! I'm the baby of two, taller than everybody in the family at 6'5", and mom and I swapped roles when she moved in with us and shared our home for 20 years 😜
I just felt you gasp!
Clean and tidy wasn't the inherited trait, it was refusing to throw anything away. Any fiffing thing 😳
The stories I can tell. Oh my. I restles with letting shame go when I look for something very important I knew we had then realize I had thrown it away. ARGGGH!!
There is a tiny part of me that wished Amazon didn't exist. An itty, bitty, teanie, weanie part of me. Sheesh!
I could peck more on this phone but I can get 45 minutes more of morning sleep after letting the dogs out. Oh my! That earworn again... Woof. Woof. 😂
20 years! 😵💫 You’re a saint, Donna. Oh yep I can understand the hoarding instinct too. Another way our mental stories manifest in our lives. Hope you enjoyed that extra sleep! 😘
Nah, the pups had another idea. All three started play fighting on the king size bed. I'm in a doctor's waiting room for a regular appointment 90 minutes from home.
The drive is pleasant and its own respite ♥️
Hahaha, nothing wrong with a bit of cleanfreakery. I am militant about a clean kitchen, but an absolute bomb scare with every other room in the house. I call this a compromise; The Muse calls it a concern.
It’s is pretty great to have a sparkling clean kitchen. Preparing food amidst the mess of previous meals is not the one.
"Some of you might say this was just 'nesting', but only if the bird had psychological problems and a labelling addiction."
That made me giggle, and the rest was very heartfelt. I can't imagine the chaos of so many little kids at once. Good on you for managing and for trying to let things go when you can.
Haha thank you Michelle. I was like a crazed bird 🥴. Yes, letting go is a recurring theme in my life. Practising all the time 🙏
I hear this !!! When the kids came along omg the mess , it fucked with my head !!! And the little piles of shit that collect in every corner !!! Made me want to scream !! The constant clear outs of tat so you can get the next lot in !!! 😂 these days it’s slightly better now they are older , they barely come out of their rooms to make a mess 🤦🏻♀️😂
Oh god the clear outs! We just got rid of a bunch of stuff and my son was trying to get more toys from the charity shop when we were there donating the old stuff. I was like - PUT THAT BACK 😤🤣 Glad to hear I have the teenage years to look forward to when mess is contained in their rooms 😅
Hahaha! This sounds very familiar 😃 xx
I’m the opposite in that I grew up in quite a chaotic household. My childhood home was big and hard to keep clean and my parents didn’t seem to care. They had a cleaner for a while and she actually complained to her agency about the state of the house.🤣 While I’m not adverse to a few piles of books or toys lying around, I’m otherwise very bothered by mess and clutter, perhaps as an act of rebellion!
So interesting! My mum has a cleaner and it’s so awkward because there’s literally nothing for her to do 🤣
That’s so funny 😆 Imagine!!
I do love a clean kitchen bench to come out to in the morning, and I’m pretty sure that’s from my parents. But I gave up on folding things years ago - teatowels get chucked in a drawer, fitted sheets get bundled into a storage bin in the hot water cupboard, and everyone’s clean clothes get dumped on their bed or a call goes out for everyone to ‘come get what’s yours from this pile, please’. Ironically, after years of me shoving clothes in their drawers and calling it done when my girls were little, they have both now adopted a military style of folding their clothing that is stunning in its efficiency and orderliness.
Wow ok this gives me hope. I’m pretty close to just dumping their clean clothes in their rooms - there truly is no point folding them - I’ve seen what they do with them. I did try the “come and get your shit from this pile” method but there was too much looking for items with mouth, not eyes i.e. “Mum! Where are my socks/school uniform/underpants!” Unfortunately, I think we have a case of learned helplessness on our hands! 🤦♀️
My advice: walk away! With the disclaimer that i don’t know how old your kids are. Mine are 18 and 16. We still get the occasional ‘where’s my uniform xyz’ but I just say ‘I dunno, have you had a proper look?’ 😂
Haha I love the walk away move. Mine are 8 and 10 - definitely the right age to start honing their looking for things skills
So funny and so relatable. When kids enter the picture, you just have to let go of any hope for keeping a clean, orderly house. (He writes from his cluttered dining room table.)
If Marie Kondo stopped giving a shit, then it’s ok for us too 🤷♀️
Oh, I loved this so much Sara 😍 That moment between you and your friend brought a big grin to my face - How lovely ❤️
Haha she knows me so well. We lived together for years. There is an unspoken language 🤪
Great read, Sara!
That unwinnable battle against mottled carpet!
I grew up in a hoarded home and that was also about my mother’s need to control, I think. Equal and opposite inability to let things go. To the point of her distress when I wanted to empty the hoover bag - what if there something important in there - she’d need to check first!
And I felt ashamed of our house not being like everyone else’s because it was SO messy. But my best friend loved coming to play, because my mum didn’t mind (or notice) if we added to the chaos!
I found a happy medium once I had my own home. Sounds like you have, too, and step back from going full neat-freak. Bravo!
Thanks Wendy! Wow your experience is the total opposite but somehow the same - feeling shame about your home environment. The Hoover bag! 🤪 glad we both survived it and somehow charting our own path of just enough mess 😘
This is the part that hits SO CLOSE to home: "Woe betide the unlucky chump (Andrew) who got it wrong."
I feel for poor Andrew!
My mother was definitely not a clean freak, but she kept a fairly tidy house.
My ex is not a clean freak either and is inconsistent with her tidiness (we co-habit) but we're still pretty polar opposite. My desk area is a total mess. When our daughter is doing her thing, I'm so laid back about mess and untidiness that if it were up to me, I'd let her leave her crap everywhere. None of this tidying up before bed nonsense. She's just going to play with it the next day, right?
It probably confuses the poor kid, but she seems used to it. She knows I'll let her get away with murder, practically, whereas my ex and mother-in-law are more regimented.
And my sister-in-law is a tidiness nazi, oh dear lord, it's insane. The obsession with germs and shit, she does my head in!
This post was hilarious, as usual - your good at this stuff, you know 😉😁
Haha thank you Daniel! I’ve been waiting 9 months to use the term “woe betide”. Totally get what you’re saying about the mess just being there the next day. That’s what so frustrating about it - getting all the toys packed away, then bam, they’re back 12 hours later and it’s just the most pointless, repetitive exercise. If you can be laid back about it and the mess doesn’t fuck with your head then I say go for it!