8 weeks of artist date ideas for parents who are never alone

This could be your most mediocre creative year ever!

Welcome to Pandora’s Box of Shit, where we take the turds that life keeps squeezing out and polish them into something less traumatic. This week, I’ve got something special for all those especially tortured artists — parents. If you’ve ever tried (and failed) to start your year with The Artist’s Way, then just know that I SEE YOU BABES. Sara xo

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“In order to have a real relationship with our creativity, we must take the time and care to cultivate it."

— Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way

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So this is the year you finally plan to write that book! Congratulations, you’ve taken the essential first step by committing to The Artists Way, Julia Cameron’s seminal 12-week self-guided program to unlock your creativity.

“Artist Dates” — weekly solo expeditions to spark creative inspiration — are pivotal to The Artist’s Way. As a parent of young children, creating space for these special moments can be challenging, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon your dreams.

Remember, kids are experts at creativity and play, so this could be a beautiful opportunity to learn from the mini-masters!

Week 1: Carve out some daydreaming time

Our modern minds are always so busy, and this is especially true for parents. Is there a quiet place at home — a cute window seat, garden bench or dank understairs cupboard — where you can daydream about that novel you could write if only you weren’t interrupted every three fucking minutes?

You may find that your mind is relentlessly drawn to the pile of unwashed dishes, the unpaid childcare fees and the dump your kid has just taken under the kitchen table, but keep gently bringing your focus back to the present moment.

The reality is that your kids will find you after 30 seconds, so you’ll need to cancel this week’s Artist Date. However, there’s always next week!

Week 2: Create some fun artwork with your kids

Listen, we hear you — the mess! But there’s something magical about letting your kids go wild with the art supplies. Your Artist Date this week is to explore your subconscious through the family-friendly medium of fingerpainting.

While you attempt to unleash your frustrated Frida Khalo onto the canvas, watch in amazement/horror as your kids mix every single paint colour to form a foul shade of brown and then smear it indiscriminately on the paper until it tears and becomes a sloppy pile of mush.

Sure, this may be triggering, but try channelling those feelings of rage and despair into your book — this will be especially valuable if you’re writing horror.

Week 3: Enjoy a cinematic experience together

After last week’s messy experiment, you will undoubtedly be ready to enjoy something more high-brow. However, expecting your child to sit through the latest three-hour foreign language masterpiece at the cinema is unrealistic. Do the next best thing this week and pop on The Emoji Movie at home…for the seventh consecutive day.

By now, you might be questioning your life’s purpose. This is the perfect time to harness your fugue state and pour it onto the page. Plus, if you accidentally fall asleep during the movie while covered in crumbs and drool — don’t worry — there’s a slim chance inspiration could strike in a dream!

Week 4: Read a nostalgic book

Words are in your bones, so what better way to inspire your writing this week than to read a book with your kids? Try choosing one of your personal favourites to ignite fond memories from your own childhood (if you have any).

It might be stressful to listen to your kids talk loudly over you, repeatedly ask for snacks, and tear your treasured book apart while fighting over who gets to turn the next page but persevere.

If The Wind in the Willows isn’t capturing their imagination, try something that’s calling to you in the moment, like The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

Week 5: Get creative with food

This week, it’s time to turn your kitchen into a fantastically fun art studio! You only need to watch an episode of Is it Cake? to know that it takes a true artiste to bake a cake that’s indistinguishable from a taco when viewed from a 15-foot distance.

Okay, maybe the contestants on that show aren’t physically breaking up fights between rabid toddlers over who will crack the eggs, pour the milk and measure the flour, but remember, this is all part of the fun!

There’s a high chance that most of the ingredients will end up on the floor, so why not conceive your mushy magnum opus on your knees? For extra emotional depth, try mixing in your tears.

Week 6: Take your kids to an art gallery

If you’re feeling trapped inside your four walls, this week is a great time to get out of the house. Do you know what kids enjoy more than soft play centres? Art galleries! That’s right. Why not draw inspiration from the masters while avoiding stares from judgmental strangers?

Just think of the rich inner world you can explore for your own art while shouting, “STOP TOUCHING THAT HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT SCULPTURE!” or “TAKE YOUR TONGUE OFF THAT GLASS CABINET!” or “STOP! THAT IS NOT A TOILET!” repeatedly for three hours.

If the museum has a bar, this could be a good time to purchase a glass bottle of wine and re-regulate your nervous system while your kids stare at their iPads.

Week 7: Explore nature’s creative bounty

Fair enough, the art gallery was a bust, but surely your local park is more achievable. After all, William Shakespeare said, “The earth has music for those who listen", and what could be more musical than the sound of screaming kids fighting over a swing and climbing up the slide the wrong way?

If all else fails, just find a park bench, close your eyes, put your hands over your ears, and mentally dissociate.

Week 8: Scream into a pillow

Yeah, sorry. It turns out that Artist Dates are impossible for you. This week, we suggest shoving a pillow over your face and screaming into it for a good 10 seconds. Congratulations — you have created performance art!

Thanks for opening my box of this this week! Are you juggling kids and art and life and stuff? I’d love to hear about it. I do a small dance and let out a micro-fart every time one of you leaves a comment. Aaaaaand, if you know someone who would laugh/ugly cry at this piece, then please do share it!

Sara xo

Ways you can show me some luuurve (in a totally consensual way)…

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